Complicated Heart
by SMDSP
Summary: [Y&S] Shuichi feels himself falling out of love with Yuki, he decides they should breakup. How will Yuki react? Will he allow the popstar to leave after all they've been through together?


**_Complicated Heart_**

Chapter One

I don't know when it happened. But it happened. One day I was declaring my love for him and the next day I felt myself drifting away from him. But the more I drifted the harder he held me close. Before these feelings I would have loved the attention but I do not now. I feel suffocated. I need to breathe. I don't know when it happened, but my feelings for him have shifted away from love. I still like and admire him, but I don't love him anymore…

…at least I don't think I do.

How can I tell him?

Will he even understand?

…Yuki…

**-------------------------------------------------**

Yuki placed a plate full of a western-style breakfast before his young lover. He could tell something was amiss. Last night, after they had made love Shuichi broke form, instead of curling around his lover whisperings words of love and devotion he had rolled away from him withholding his vows of affection. Shuichi had curled up on his side of the bed and had stayed there the whole night. Not once during the long night did Shuichi move from his side to wrap his arms around the writer or seek out his warmth in the cooling room. Yuki had spent most of the night contemplating the slender back of the pop star and the sudden chasm between them before he surrendered his conscious to sleep.

However, the strange behavior of last night had continued into the day. Shuichi didn't greet him with a wake-up kiss as per his usual morning routine. He got up and went to shower without even rolling over to make sure Yuki had survived the night. Shuichi was doing none of the things that Yuki had come to know and expect of his young lover. It was a maddening feeling. Yuki could feel Shuichi drifting away from and he could do nothing to stop it.

Setting some orange juice in front of Shuichi, Yuki broke the deafening silence. "How is your new album coming? Have you finalized the new dates for your next tour?"

"Hmmm," said Shuichi, looking up at Yuki. "Tour?" The pop star blinked owlishly at his lover before the words penetrated his brain. "Oh, no, we haven't decided on the dates, yet. As for the record, since we are doing more songs, I want to showcase all of our writing talents. Therefore, we are being very selective about the songs we choose. It's going really slow since we all have veto power."

"So, you've been a little stressed, huh?" replied Yuki, trying to tie some of the questionable threads together as to why his young lover was acting so distant.

Shuichi shook his head. "Stressed? Nah, it's kind of a fun. Fujisaki is such a perfectionist he even vetoes some of the songs he wrote and arranged. It's all really fun." He glanced down at his watch. "Shit, I have to run or K-san is going to kill me."

"Drink your juice before you leave." Yuki picked up the glass handing it to Shuichi who barely touched any of the food Yuki prepared.

Shuichi took the glass from Yuki making a weird face as he gulped some of it down. "It tastes sour. You need to check the date on the carton." He put the glass down, picking up his yellow bag, he flew out the door. "Bye."

"He forgot to kiss me, again." Yuki picked up the unfinished juice sipping some of it. It didn't taste sour at all.

**-------------------------------------------------**

"Okay, everyone let's break for lunch," yelled K to the members of Bad Luck. "We will all meet back here in the studio in _one_ hour, right Shindou-kun." K pointed his gun in Shuichi's direction. Shuichi was habitually tardy individual and he was late it made everybody late. K put much stock in the old adage: money means time and time means money. And with Shuichi being late it cost them money and time.

"O-Of course, K-san," stuttered Shuichi, as he tried to move out of range. "I promise not to be late. In fact, I'm eating lunch with Hiro so I can almost guarantee that I won't be late." He smiled tentatively at his crazy gun-toting manager.

K frowned at the smile as he swung his magnum toward Bad Luck's guitarist. "No one will be late, right Nakano-kun?"

Hiro held up his hands as he stepped back a few paces. "Right, K-san, no one will be late."

K nodded to the group before backing out of the room. He gave a last pointed glare in Shuichi's direction before finally exiting.

Hiroshi turned to his best friend with a questioning look on his face. "What happened to lunch with Yuki-san? I thought you were supposed to meet him for lunch today."

Shuichi's face went blank. "Well, during our last break I called Yuki and canceled. Besides we haven't eaten lunch together in a long time." Suddenly his eyes filled with tears turning them into wet obsidian. "Don't you want to eat lunch with me Hiroshi?"

Hiro shook his head in resignation. "Yeah, I'll eat lunch with you." He didn't think the day would ever dawn when Shuichi would willingly give up eating lunch with his beloved Yuki.

**-------------------------------------------------**

The pair had made their way to the local Zenny's for lunch. It was and old favorite of theirs and continued to be after they launched their breakout single 'No Style'. It was also one of the few places they could still go and not be mobbed by legions of fans wanting everything from autographs to babies. After placing their order Hiro gave Shuichi little time to ruminate. "So, what happened? Did you and Yuki-san have a fight?"

Shuichi looked up from the table a guilty flush filled his cheeks. "No, we didn't have a fight." He began to play with the edges of his table mat. "I just didn't feel like eating lunch with Yuki today, that's all."

"So you didn't have a fight, but you're here at lunch with me?" Hiro gave his best friend a weird look. "Come on Shu, something must have happened for you to want to eat lunch with me today instead of your 'beloved Yuki'."

"Look Hiro, I just didn't want to eat lunch with him, today! I wanted to eat lunch with my best friend who obviously doesn't eat lunch with me." Shuichi forcefully pushed his chair back as he rose from the table. "I'll take my meal to go and leave you to yourself, since that's the way you want it!"

Refusing to back down from the fight Hiroshi shoved his chair back, too. "I didn't say that I didn't want to eat lunch with you. I said it was just weird. And it is! I'm thrilled that your Yuki tunnel vision has widen and you can see other people, but _do not_ think for a moment that you having lunch me is not strange. _You_ cancelled a lunch-date with Yuki-san to eat lunch with _me_!"

Hiro lowered his voice as the patrons of the restaurant began whispering and staring at the dueling duo. "When you cancel a date with Yuki-san can't I worry? I'm your best friend, Shu, don't you think I can tell when something is wrong with you?"

Shuichi plopped down in his seat. "Sorry, Hiro." He stared at the placemat in front of him. His eyes began tracing the outline of the maze as he contemplated how much he wanted to reveal to his best friend.

"Shu?" questioned Hiro softly as he sat down. "Tell me what's wrong?"

Looking up in to Hiroshi's concerned eyes, Shuichi knew instantly he was going to tell his best friend everything. He opened up his mouth and all the worry he had been holding in came tumbling out of him like a floodgate unleashed. He spoke of his feelings of discontent and suffocation. He was finally putting a voice to the actual feelings inside of him. When he finished he gulped down the melted ice water to soothe his abused throat.

Hiroshi waited until the waitress placed their order on the table before he spoke. "Do you want to break-up with Yuki-san?"

Shuichi considered the question carefully before answering. "Yes." He began shoveling more of his food in his mouth. His appetite had been renewed since he had unburdened himself. "Yes, I want to leave him--well at least part of me does. The other part is unsure."

"Well, first you should be positive that you want to end your relationship, before you take any drastic steps. I'll help you anyway I can." Hiro placed his own half-eaten food aside.

Shuichi gave his friend a sad smile. "I'm more positive than doubtful."

"You need to a make a decision, Shuichi," said Hiro.

Shuichi sighed. "Fine, I want to end the relationship."

Hiro nodded his head. "Now, you have to tell, Yuki-san." He glanced down at his watch. "Although, first we need to get back to practice before K-san kills us."

"Shit," exclaimed Shuichi jumping from his seat. They had ten minutes to get back to the studio.

The two best friends hurried to pay for their meal as they raced out the door heading back to the N-G building. For the first time since he started having the feelings of suffocation, Shuichi felt like he could breathe.

He had made a decision and he was going to stick with it.

His relationship with famed novelist Yuki Eiri was over.

He just hoped he had the courage to end it.

**-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Created 09/27/05 and Finished 10/03/05. Well, this is technically, my third or fourth _Gravitation_ fanfic. However, this is the first one to be posted. The others are either in their rough draft stage or still in the outline stage. Anyway, enough of my rambling, see you in the next chapter: Breaking Up Is Hard To Do. Send all comments, questions, critiques, and flames to me: pmchivas at hotmail dot com, or you could leave me a message. **SMDSP**.

**Audio Mix**

This is the first time I've gone into this genre. Hopefully, my writing isn't too bad. I have read the manga and have watched the anime, and with any luck I should be able to string together a fanfic from those sources. Less from the anime as I didn't enjoy it as much as the manga, but thanks for reading anyway.


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